In recent times, I’ve found that I am excessively enjoying the comfort of my own company. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a bit of a loner but as of late, my overindulgence in solitude is even starting to get me a little worried. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while now which, in turn, has greatly affected my creativity.
Without sounding the slight bit conceited, I’d like to think I have a special gift; the ability to incite emotions within people merely through an arrangement of words. In such a gift lies a tremendous amount of beauty and power; one that must be nurtured, not neglected. Yet, it is through my own negligence that I find myself in this predicament today.
Even at this very moment as I write, I’m struggling to articulate my thoughts and feelings in a way that typically is so instinctive to me. Heck, I’m not even entirely sure what it is that I’m writing about (bare with me though, I’m going somewhere with this.. Promise!). Where on Earth has my muse gone?! More importantly, I’m sorry for taking you for granted and please come back to me. (Pretty please?)
Like myself, she too has been AWOL for a while but in all honestly, I can’t really blame her. I didn’t exactly cultivate the best of vibes for her to want to stay.
And as I sit here and ponder over the whereabouts of my inspirational force, I’m filled with an overwhelming feeling of discontentment, driven by the thought that I am regressing in life and as much as I hate to admit it, it’s all my fault!
I’ve allowed too much toxicity to enter my life. Those with poisonous energies will do that to you without you even realising: destroy your creativity; dampen your spirits; make you complacent towards accomplishing your goals and ultimately kill your ambition.
A wise word to such malicious individuals: drink more water, eat your veggies and practice a bit of self-love (hey, maybe your destructive ways are simply owing to the fact that you’re constipated.. You never know!)
Given that a sizeable Portion of the past few months has been a blur of backtracks and blunders, just with good music playing in the background (ever the optimist, I ALWAYS like to distinguish the silver lining), I’ve been in serious need of a mind, body and soul detox. And what better way to implement some much-needed discipline and healing in my life than by seizing the perfect opportunity…
It’s Ramadan, of course. That time of year where the body is starved in order to feed the soul, sleep is deprived in order to recharge the mind and the tongue is guarded in order to purify the heart. Now, anyone who knows me personally will vouch for the following:
- I have a bottomless pit for a stomach;
- The poor soul to disturb my precious slumber will usually face the wrath of a howling banshee; and
- I also have odd moments where I swear like a sailor.
Naturally, you would think that this month would be having me for breakfast (excuse the pun – I couldn’t help myself!) But on the contrary, I’m feeling surprisingly chipper and upbeat. I’m finding great solace and pleasure in rediscovering how to take care of myself (lol, let’s see how long I can keep this going).
But here’s the million pound question: Why do I keep allowing such negativity to freely walk back into my life like it has a Premium Annual Pass to Thorpe Park?
Ahh, my chronic relapse is just one of the many mysteries in my life that is yet to be solved, like why it is near-enough impossible to apply mascara with my mouth closed. Or why on the one day I risk walking out of my house looking like something akin to a homeless drug addict, I bump into every flipping person I know (can we just have a moment’s silence for such ill-fated occurrences). Or how on that one night I decide to go to bed early, I randomly recall something mortifying that happened 4 years ago, guaranteeing to fill a good portion of my night with horrific, insomniac unease (there go my recommended 8-10 hours out the window). Brilliant.
Anyhoo, I’m going off on a slight tangent but back to the topic.
So, this Ramadan is my first time (in my adult years, at least) attending the mosque to perform my supplementary night prayers. If you ask me, there lies a distinct beauty in the fact that millions across the world instantly postpone whatever it is they are doing to partake in an activity at one time for one, sole purpose. I don’t think there is any other concept or force in the world that can initiate such a response and for that reason alone, I feel like I am a part of something truly special.
I can even sense the shift in the atmosphere within the community; although not tangible, the raised levels of love, humanity and care people automatically exhibit toward each other can be very much sensed.
And of course, I had to ensure that my attire is befitting for such an engagement in order to show respect, modesty and observe proper etiquette…
I must admit, at first I was pretty apprehensive to go out in public dressed like this. But (as shocking as it sounds) it was probably one of the most liberating moments I have experienced.
To not have to spend ages worrying about what my hair looks like; whether my outfit is ‘on point’ or even the burdensome task of wearing a face full of make-up products containing ingredients that would make a chemical dumping ground cringe. It feels amazing – I don’t care what anybody says.
To feel so confident yet so vulnerable; covered yet so exposed; deprived of bare necessities yet so full of life and energy – that right there is one mystery I don’t mind left unanswered.
Don’t get me wrong I won’t be morphing into Mother Teresa anytime soon but the imposed notion that women in hijab are oppressed and undervalued is the complete antithesis of the Muslim woman.
I must admit, I’m rather enjoying this period of tranquillity – it looks good on me, even if I do say so myself. Now, that is by no means to say that I’m no longer fighting my demons – certainly not. I’m just learning to preserve the calm within amidst all of that, after all, serenity is found at the eye of the storm.
With that being said, here’s three things I vow NOT to do from here on out:
- compromise on my standards
- tolerate horrible people
- entertain anything that doesn’t serve my growth or purpose
So, here’s to us all elevating to a higher plane of consciousness; attaining a deeper spiritual fulfilment and continuing on our journeys in better understanding ourselves (all the while without sounding too pretentious). And if all else fails (please, don’t!), then I have no other choice but to entrust my friends to beat me with my own shoe until I get there.
I’ll keep you posted. 🙂